One brick at a time.....

One look at the inside of my house, and you know....you know there is a problem! In fact, you may not even have to get to the front door to know!  A hoarder lives here!  I didn't plan it that way, I do not want to be a hoarder, but a hoarder is part of who I am today!  I am trying to change my ways, I beat myself up, others beat me up, I try, I fail, I try again and I fail again!  I don't know if this time will be different, but I am trying....AGAIN!  One thing you have to admit, is I am persistent!  And while I am sure its different this time, only time will really tell!

My progress has been slow, I joined some online groups on FB, that address organization, hoarding and other emotional garbage!  I say that, because I know it is more than organization!  I can organize!  Stacks of boxes, mail, piles of papers, things all carefully placed atop an ever growing hoard!  Occasionally I swing too wide with a fat hip and things go flying!  Sort of like an elephant in a tutu, you just know something is going to happen here!

I've watched the shows on hoarding, thinking to myself, I am one step from being the crazy lady with mice in her house!  And while that has been my mantra for a bit....well that I am not "that" bad!  The fact is, inside I am just as crazy as a box of schizophrenic squirrels.  No one can help me!  I am my own worst enemy!  I hear people say things like it will do magic!  "Just chuck it!"  Uh, I don't think you understand my problem!  I can't "just chuck it!"  That's the problem!  I am trapped by it, I am attached in very unnatural ways to it, and I am tired of it!

So now, what is different this time?  I think its that I have stopped hiding it!  I don't care any more!  Actually that is not true, I still care plenty, but I have stopped acting like it isn't a problem any more!  Not that anyone hasn't tried to tell me that (like I am deaf, dumb and blind!).  Its like saying to a fat person "Just stop eating so much!".  Yes, BUT......and there you have it!  Yes, but I am ill!  Yes, but you can't touch it!  Yes, but you can't help me!  Its a long list, best to just know, I have to do it myself!  If I could get someone to help me, I would, few people can help because most of them, sensing the trouble, say just chuck it!  Because that's what they would do!

So anyways, back to the brick.....I made my office GROUND ZERO!  It is my last stand, my Alamo if you will!  It is the epicenter of my problem of disorganization and in some ways, more devoid of emotional triggers, except if I come across a card from the kids, or my nieces and nephews, or my now passed Grammas.  Or pictures!  Or journals!  Ok, so there are a few bombs in here to detonate!  The good thing is, they take up little room in the scheme of things and if that was all I need to keep, I am fine with that (I have gathered them all up in small boxes!).  I have shredded, tossed, filed and organized my papers, trash, files, bills, etc.  I am in the home stretch!

I am literally down to less than 10 boxes.  It has gotten a little more challenging as the pile has dwindled downwards,  Some of the boxes have been thinned more than once!  I know all the rules say touch it once and do one of the following:  Toss, shred, file-but I am a little more crazy than some of the other hoarder squirrels!  I try to touch it once, but occasionally, I have to touch it a few times before tossing it!  Thats okay, as long as I am making progress!  And that's the thing, I am making progress!

It might be on the slow side, but my tossing muscle has gotten stronger and my attachment to "things" is getting less!  The pull on me to keep it all, is no longer a death grip!  Will I make it?  Time will tell!  For now, each box is a brick in my future self, building up my strength, my resolve and my ability to let go!  Its also a brick off my chest!  No longer does the idea of someone coming over make me crazy!  I have a spot for them to sit in my office!  I can find my bills so I can pay them!  Well, if there is enough money to, I can!

This is a photo of my expanding space, my new company spot, my one spot in the house that is comfy, warm and bright!  It isn't covered in boxes of paper, it isn't hoarded up with pens, paper clips and staplers!  I am inspired to continue and keep going!  I feel lighter, mentally more stable!  Even if you look inside and see the crazy squirrels in me, there are less of them now!

Getting help and staying motivated..........

I have joined a few groups to help me stay on track, to share my progress, or lack thereof, and to do some of the challenges posted.  Some were a bit too strenuous for me just getting started, and I have devoted myself to completing the office, before moving onto another room!

However, I have managed to do a couple of mini challenges and found these are quite easy to do, usually take 5-15 minutes to do and then you are done!  Progress without pain!  I'm in!  I find that even if I am not able to do the big ones (de-cluttering your kitchen from top to bottom was way too challenging for me right now!),  But I was able to do a plastic bag challenge and a condiment and take-out challenge.  Both took about 5 minutes to gather up and toss, donate or keep.  On the plastic bag one, I bundled up ones to drop at the recycling bin at my local store for plastic bags, I kept a few for lining my small baskets and can run through the house and pull them daily if needed!  The condiments, I tossed!

Condiments I tossed!

Plastic bags and trash cans!

It has cleared small but troublesome items and allowed me to keep what I need and pass on the stuff I do not!  Believe it or not, this is a help to me, to allow me to continue in my baby steps, still making progress, maybe not at the speed of light, but still....it is progress!

Do you have any thing that helps you?  Please feel free to share!

A Dirty Little Secret

I know most of us have a dirty little secret room, closet, drawer or shelf that we just try and keep closed off from our minds and company.  But sometimes, (usually when company is coming to stay), we make the mad dash to clean up our act and make ourselves whole in one afternoon.  Forgetting, oh yeah, we put the ironing board in there, ok, and maybe a few baskets of the babies clothes (he's now 17) that we were going to donate, a broken lamp, bits and pieces of old computers, linens to beds we do not have any more, etc.

Why oh why did we let this problem grow unchecked like this?  Why are we such pigs?  Why didn't the kids pick up that dirty dish and put it in the dishwasher?  Of course so and sos Mom just HAS to stay here!  Why can't she just stay at a hotel?  I'm willing to pay for it?!  Oh who am I kidding?!  That woman just is dying to see what a mess I am!

So, now that we have calmed down from our anxiety attack, we have to get down to the nitty gritty of it!  We could just slop everything into garbage bags and hide it in the garage till she leaves, and tell her something died in the garage, so she doesn't look out there!  Wait, that will not work, that's how the garage got where we can't even park any of our cars in there.

Let's start with the simple stuff, the ironing board!  Put it where it belongs, don't have a place for it?  Find a closet door, hang 2 hooks and put that puppy on the hooks and close the door!  Next!  That broken lamp.....yes you paid way too much for it and now it is broken.  Sit down and fix it right now!  Oh no?  Then toss it, if you won't fix it now and haven't fixed it since it made its way in there 2 years ago, its not going to happen!  LET IT GO!

Ok, the baskets of baby clothes?  If they truly are good, pack them in a bag and put them in your car to drop off for donation, do it now!  If not, give it up, toss them!  So far, so good!  You can see floor, you can see bed and oh boy, you can see dust!  Strip the bed, damp cloth, wipe all flat surfaces, edges, furniture and what nots.  Get the vacuum out and vacuum everything, floor, ceiling, drapes, tops of doorways and windows, and baseboards.  Maybe take those dusty drapes down and wash them too?!

Now onto laundry!  Sort and wash, dry and return to the room.  Redress the bed and curtains.  Room should be presentable enough for company now!  A little spritz of Febreeze, or Linen Spray to freshen the room.  Now, for the rest of the house.......just burn it!  LOL!

Maketh my bed to lie down in......

In the effort to make my 'dream house' into the vision I have, a number of issues (money, budget, time, materials, etc) have come up, impeding the work.  At this point, I do have a number of things accomplished (new cabinets, window seat, flat screen tv mounted, electric, etc) for my future bedroom.

One of the projects that helped immensely, was taking a portion of the front L-shaped porch and turning it into a walk-in closet!  Between the electric, the insulation and the building, it took approximately 1 month from start to finish!  I snagged a red plush carpet left over from someone else's project to cover the concrete floor for a mere $5!  Instantly, it became a major attraction for the baby to play in and the dogs to lay in.  Much unpacking of the bedroom and moving the items into the closet was a major help on the clutter taking up valuable real estate in my bedroom.

Then came the cabinetry and a custom window seat for my bedroom in front of two side by side windows.  It became the baby's favorite spot to 'not' take a nap while watching squirrels and birds playing outside, while he drifted off to sleep!  Soon the tv was uplifted on a swivel mount over one base cabinet and new electrical run for that and my computer and cable wires.

The work slowed for a bit, and now, I am ready (after Christmas I will resume!) to start the next phase!  For now, I have the bed (a wonderful bargain at Sam's of Queen size memory foam mattress) marked down to $300 from $600.  The bedroom had 3 door ways coming into it, one, which my bed backs up to, goes into the hallway and into the new laundry room and kitchen.  I have debated whether to remove this door all together, or leave it in place and go over it with a custom built headboard and shelving, since it could ultimately affect the resale value.  The other doors one goes to the on suite and another to my office/library, which has another door going in the hallway and to the walk-in closet.

I have doodled on paper a few ideas, but have yet to pull the trigger on any ideas, as I am still unsure as to what to do.  So here are a few pictures of the lay of the land, take a peek and let me know if you have any solutions?

As you can see the base cabinet, the windows, and the mess where the custom window seat is going.

It looks bad, but its just all the trim has been removed, a vent is being fixed to run under the seat and out the front!

Window seat is in, these are the pillows for now, am doing custom ones, and by custom, I mean I will be making them myself!

A bit of dressing up and down trying to find what looks best!

The baby, actually the kid....who claims he is not going to "sleep" but is just resting his eyes!

So what do you think of how the bed is?  What could I do to hide the door?  I'm thinking a large upholstered headboard with storage and then built in shelved instead of the matching bookcases!  I want the colors to be cobalt blue and soft white.

This is my bed as it sits now, with a bookcase on either side and a door directly at the back!  As you can see, I need to repaint, I removed all the wallpaper and have cleaned the walls, they just look bad!

Would love some feedback on this!  Thanks!

When Tech Fails Us

Well, it finally happened!  My computer went down and stayed down.  It had been misbehaving since July 2014 when I inadvertently contacted a malware site posing as a contact for my printer, when it began behaving erratically (the printer, not the computer!).  Thinking I had contact my printers support site directly, I allowed the tech to join me on my computer to make the adjustments needed.  Before I knew it, he was disabling my Security Setting and programs and when I told him no, he quickly did some other things and by the time I shut down him and the join in, he had added a virus to my computer and began demanding $120 to 'make repairs'.  I know, I know....I never knew that you could invite trouble in like that!

By the time I got to undoing all the changes he had made, I knew I could not undo, redo and fix all that he had done in the space of literally 1 minute.  It was all down hill as I slowly slipped off the cliff to losing my data and then to a blank screen unable to reboot, unable to get to my beloved internet, unable to locate my precious pictures of my work done on the house!  I could barely breathe!  I was left with no option but a full reset and the computer refused to allow any savings of files, data, pictures, documents, etc.  Luckily, the full reset at least allowed me back into my computer, able to now work without the brain numbing freezes, lockups, shutdowns and what nots.  Also all my tenderly changed settings now at point zero and all having to be loaded again, one by one.  But just a few short minutes ago, I found some of what I thought were lost photos on my android tablet!  Thank goodness for that!  At least some were there.  Enough I feel better!

But it did get me to thinking, all those many reminders of "You should make a System Restore Now" and I would click ignore and move on.  When I started to realize I better do it now, I had to go to the store to get a special DVD+R, as all the other DVD's, CD's and stuff I had were not working.  But alas, I was too late.  By the time I got it, and returned home, my computer had decided I must be punished for my lapse and refused to allow any restore/saving to happen!  My window was closed!
Was I the only one facing a fate worse than death?  Was I the only one not running to the store at the first reminder sent so many years ago?  Or that had been offered just a few days ago?  Probably not, but I sure was the sorriest!  So for all you procrastinators out there, yes, today is the day to do it!  Run, do not walk, to the electronics section of your favorite department store and get the proper DVD you need to make the restore disk!  Do not wait to be the poster girl for all things lost!  You may think there isn't that much to lose, but I assure you, those pictures and videos of your precious furbaby, newborn, first brand new car EVER and pictures of Nana BEFORE the stroke, will seem quite precious when you can no longer find them!  Just saying!

The porch spillith over.....

My porch was becoming a catchall for all the construction going on.  Piles of tile waiting to be put down, old windows for a Pinterest project, various tools, clutter, junk and mess!  It had become not only a dumping ground, but an eyesore!  My neighbors began giving me dirty looks!  What used to be a showplace, had turned into just another hoarded mess!  I decided, I have to do something.  I got one of my nieces and a friend to come and help me.

It was really hard work, carting off the wood, the windows, the junk and either tossing or putting where it belonged.  It went fast though, with all the help.  The real dirty work was still to come.  Cleaning and wiping off road grime (I live right off a main road to the local High School) and sorting.  I'm going to show you some pictures from years ago, then it clean and nice like a magazine, then a hoarded mess, then clean AGAIN!

Right after I moved in.

Front porch freshly painted!

As I began the long journey towards restoring this old gem!

Cleaned, freshly painted, looks like a magazine eh?

My pretty flowers!

A little welcome display!

As you can see, I did so well with it, but sadly, the painted porch began to come off almost immediately, as other work came and went, it fell into a sad state of affairs, and here I am 10 years later, cleaning up another mess, trying to restore order as we move through yet more renovations!

Oppsss...I did it again!

Cleaned up AGAIN!

A sweet place to sit in the summer time evenings with a glass of wine!

Only an afternoon of 90 degree heat!

And don't be stingy with that wine either!

Soft glow of candles!

So there is a continuing theme here.  But the mess from rehabbing is starting to wear thin on my nerves!  I call this place Chez Shifting Sands, as the furniture shifts from room to room, as I push into the next project, then the next!  Sometimes, it just feels as if it will never end, but each change has brought its own pleasures once done.  And, sadly, once done, I have a hard time remembering how unattractive it was before, because each change has suited it so well.  EXCEPT the junk, the dust, the mess!  LOL!

So any thoughts?  Ideas?  Horror stories?  Pictures of your journey through this process?

Bag it! Tag it! Set it to the curb!

Another week has passed with not a lot of progress on the office/library, but then, my life has been a whirlwind!  One of my former fosters Granny came to the house late Monday night to tell me that Renee was in the hospital with a stroke after being released earlier that day.  She had been in and out of the hospital since giving birth October 23 to her 4th child and first girl, Gwendolyn.  Her heart was only working at 15% capacity and now her brain was working at 1/3 capacity.  It was heartbreaking!

I was in limbo, unable to think, I tried to work.  But the calls kept coming and the news kept getting worse.  My niece and her had been BFF's since both of them lived in my home at about the same time.  They had confided in each other about boyfriends, drama, stuff they hide from the old lady (me!).  It was a rough ride, as my niece was a bit buck wild and bound and determined to not follow the rules, and Renee was a willing follower.  But that was years ago, they had remained friends through boyfriends, trouble, kids, marriage and so on.  Now both married and pregnant, only 2 months apart and both expecting girls and an outcome no one saw coming!

All that aside for now, trying to get back into the groove, trying to push through, so trying to make up for lost time and trudging through to get back on track.  Slow as it has been, I did make a little progress, but in small baby steps.  This weekend, I have made a super effort to try and get through the last of the boxes.  Its getting much harder I think, because now less paper work is being shredded and more is being saved.  And I have also started to go through some of the files I made and shredding a few more things too, that really are not needed!

But today, I got through 4 bags of trash, although, by the looks of the remaining pile, it seems like only 2 small boxes went away!  How could that be?  It seems there is more room, but this pile doesn't seem to be diminishing at any great rate of speed!  Granted, this week was full of drama, tragedy and triumph, but not so different than other weeks, minus the life and death situation.  Sill, it is progress, even at my turtle speed!  I am ready for trash day and its only Sunday!

So here's my pictures for the week, and I guess I can include the befores, it seems to remind me that there has been more progress than I might have appreciated otherwise!

Bagged and tagged!

The little rattan ottoman also has storage, I keep a throw in there.  The rug got 'piddled' on my my Italian Greyhound Echo, and once washed, would not sit flat, so I replaced it with another in the same color scheme that's a rectangle.  Looks better actually, I think!

I have started filling the drawers with office supplies like notepads, note cards, glue, pens, pencils, etc.  Very convenient and stylish I think.

And this is the Hell it sprouted from below, tell me what you think!

The chaotic, hot mess!