A few, okay, one person, who will remain nameless, you know who you are, made fun of me, called me names, and generally made me just feel bad all the time. No, it didn't help, it made it worse. Made me feel powerless, overwhelmed and mentally bankrupt. I have never done well with criticism, but this person never has and probably, never will, say anything nice to me, without some sort of knife coming along with it. Some breaks from this person and less contact did, however, help. So with limited contact, I used the power of positive, relied on a few friends who saw my vision, and offered either help or good advise.
Also, just being tired of it all and trying to change just reached a level where I felt "Okay, one more time, I'm going to get one spot in order". I started with the car. Seemed simple enough. Small enough, something I could do in stages, if need be, and one that would make my driving around town feel a whole lot better, and my car would be carrying at least 20 lbs less, surely that would help the gas mileage a little. Plus, I needed to take it in to get the brakes done and I didn't want the mechanic to think I didn't give a rats tutu about my car from the way it looked. He might feel inclined to be less careful in his work.
So I spent a few days over the weekend, just a little at a time, going at it. I started with the headlights. Cloudy and yellow, they made driving at night akin to using a candle in the dark.
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| See how cloudy and yellow they are? In person, it looked even worse! |
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| And a little toothpaste and some Woodsman/Off and they looked brand new! Nice, huh?! |
4636;, the windows, the dashboard, anything and everything, inside and out. Then back to the car wash and a complete wash and scrub, then another vacuum (I wanted to be sure I got all the baking soda out). A little spritz of citrus and then I put back items I had to have, my hair brush, an umbrella, some of my CD's, a pen, my GPS, and some USB chargers for various devices when I am on the road. It felt wonderful to run around town, cleaned up, even the van felt spunkier!
I enjoyed that for a few days, and then decided I was ready to tackle another project, inside the house. The kitchen is too overwhelming and actually seems to be the cause of most of the mess in the rest of the house, since I have been slowly, but surely, renovating it for what seems like forever! So I decided the office would be good. Yes, its a lot of paperwork, lots of boxes, but most of it was papers from previous jobs, taxes, bills, blah blah blah paperwork! From tossing the mail in there, there was a ton of junk mail. I decided a trash can at the front door would help cut down on the incoming, so I placed one there, just for tossing mail!
I started with one box, a file on wheels and a box for stuff I had decided could go to the shredder. I placed another box for things I couldn't decide to keep or let go of. Then I just went through the box. If I could file it, I did, if I couldn't decide, I put it in the indecisive box, if it was to go, I put it in the shred it box. It took over an hour to go through one box. But when I was done, it was one less box to go through. I took the shred it box and started shredding. That was actually kinda fun and gave me a chance to make sure one last time that it needed to go. Nothing came back out, I really had no regrets! Let me repeat that, I had no regrets, in fact, I felt VERY GOOD! I bagged it up, and out it went!
I will say this, for a bit, it did look all the worse, I started lapsing, putting maybes on my desk, on my chair, instead of following the flow. I regrouped, and went back to the system I set up. When the maybe box was filled, I went through it again. Immediately, I knew some of this could also go in the shred it box, some I should file, and one or two made it through to the maybe box again. The thing is, that is what worked for me! I didn't have to burn it all, throw it all away, I did what worked FOR ME!
I will also add, I did start another box, one for pieces and parts of things. Some I knew what they went to, some were broken pieces of other things (stupid, I know, but like I said, it is working for ME!). A couple of times, I'd find the thing it went to and immediately I would tape it to that thing to be repaired, or replace it. And a few, once found, seemed in such poor condition, I actually opted to just toss it and be done with it. After all, why should I keep a bunch of broken down office supply stuff, when I either had a good one or a brand new one, just uncovered? If it was usable, but not wanted or needed by me, I put a box in the living room for donations, and that filled up fairly quickly too! Now the living room has about 4 boxes of stuff to be donated, or to go into a garage sale (haven't decided yet!), but it is going somewhere else other than here!
As space opened up, and started coming clear, I began to see why I had picked this old house. It had such wonderful bones, but they were very old bones. The walls needed painting, the floors needed replacing, the windows needed work. Oh my! I started getting overwhelmed again! I just made myself a cuppicianco, sat down, read a magazine and drank my coffee! No need to get worked up, in fact, it is best I do not get sidetracked, overwhelmed, ticked off, or any of the thousands of words for frustrated!
Maybe a little break, some tv, anything to distract me from that hamster wheel that always ended up being the end of my good intentions! Better I should stop while I still had some pleasant thoughts about my progress. Maybe something, anything other than getting dragged down.
