One look at the inside of my house, and you know....you know there is a problem! In fact, you may not even have to get to the front door to know! A hoarder lives here! I didn't plan it that way, I do not want to be a hoarder, but a hoarder is part of who I am today! I am trying to change my ways, I beat myself up, others beat me up, I try, I fail, I try again and I fail again! I don't know if this time will be different, but I am trying....AGAIN! One thing you have to admit, is I am persistent! And while I am sure its different this time, only time will really tell!
My progress has been slow, I joined some online groups on FB, that address organization, hoarding and other emotional garbage! I say that, because I know it is more than organization! I can organize! Stacks of boxes, mail, piles of papers, things all carefully placed atop an ever growing hoard! Occasionally I swing too wide with a fat hip and things go flying! Sort of like an elephant in a tutu, you just know something is going to happen here!
I've watched the shows on hoarding, thinking to myself, I am one step from being the crazy lady with mice in her house! And while that has been my mantra for a bit....well that I am not "that" bad! The fact is, inside I am just as crazy as a box of schizophrenic squirrels. No one can help me! I am my own worst enemy! I hear people say things like it will do magic! "Just chuck it!" Uh, I don't think you understand my problem! I can't "just chuck it!" That's the problem! I am trapped by it, I am attached in very unnatural ways to it, and I am tired of it!
So now, what is different this time? I think its that I have stopped hiding it! I don't care any more! Actually that is not true, I still care plenty, but I have stopped acting like it isn't a problem any more! Not that anyone hasn't tried to tell me that (like I am deaf, dumb and blind!). Its like saying to a fat person "Just stop eating so much!". Yes, BUT......and there you have it! Yes, but I am ill! Yes, but you can't touch it! Yes, but you can't help me! Its a long list, best to just know, I have to do it myself! If I could get someone to help me, I would, few people can help because most of them, sensing the trouble, say just chuck it! Because that's what they would do!
So anyways, back to the brick.....I made my office GROUND ZERO! It is my last stand, my Alamo if you will! It is the epicenter of my problem of disorganization and in some ways, more devoid of emotional triggers, except if I come across a card from the kids, or my nieces and nephews, or my now passed Grammas. Or pictures! Or journals! Ok, so there are a few bombs in here to detonate! The good thing is, they take up little room in the scheme of things and if that was all I need to keep, I am fine with that (I have gathered them all up in small boxes!). I have shredded, tossed, filed and organized my papers, trash, files, bills, etc. I am in the home stretch!
I am literally down to less than 10 boxes. It has gotten a little more challenging as the pile has dwindled downwards, Some of the boxes have been thinned more than once! I know all the rules say touch it once and do one of the following: Toss, shred, file-but I am a little more crazy than some of the other hoarder squirrels! I try to touch it once, but occasionally, I have to touch it a few times before tossing it! Thats okay, as long as I am making progress! And that's the thing, I am making progress!
It might be on the slow side, but my tossing muscle has gotten stronger and my attachment to "things" is getting less! The pull on me to keep it all, is no longer a death grip! Will I make it? Time will tell! For now, each box is a brick in my future self, building up my strength, my resolve and my ability to let go! Its also a brick off my chest! No longer does the idea of someone coming over make me crazy! I have a spot for them to sit in my office! I can find my bills so I can pay them! Well, if there is enough money to, I can!
This is a photo of my expanding space, my new company spot, my one spot in the house that is comfy, warm and bright! It isn't covered in boxes of paper, it isn't hoarded up with pens, paper clips and staplers! I am inspired to continue and keep going! I feel lighter, mentally more stable! Even if you look inside and see the crazy squirrels in me, there are less of them now!
My progress has been slow, I joined some online groups on FB, that address organization, hoarding and other emotional garbage! I say that, because I know it is more than organization! I can organize! Stacks of boxes, mail, piles of papers, things all carefully placed atop an ever growing hoard! Occasionally I swing too wide with a fat hip and things go flying! Sort of like an elephant in a tutu, you just know something is going to happen here!
I've watched the shows on hoarding, thinking to myself, I am one step from being the crazy lady with mice in her house! And while that has been my mantra for a bit....well that I am not "that" bad! The fact is, inside I am just as crazy as a box of schizophrenic squirrels. No one can help me! I am my own worst enemy! I hear people say things like it will do magic! "Just chuck it!" Uh, I don't think you understand my problem! I can't "just chuck it!" That's the problem! I am trapped by it, I am attached in very unnatural ways to it, and I am tired of it!
So now, what is different this time? I think its that I have stopped hiding it! I don't care any more! Actually that is not true, I still care plenty, but I have stopped acting like it isn't a problem any more! Not that anyone hasn't tried to tell me that (like I am deaf, dumb and blind!). Its like saying to a fat person "Just stop eating so much!". Yes, BUT......and there you have it! Yes, but I am ill! Yes, but you can't touch it! Yes, but you can't help me! Its a long list, best to just know, I have to do it myself! If I could get someone to help me, I would, few people can help because most of them, sensing the trouble, say just chuck it! Because that's what they would do!
So anyways, back to the brick.....I made my office GROUND ZERO! It is my last stand, my Alamo if you will! It is the epicenter of my problem of disorganization and in some ways, more devoid of emotional triggers, except if I come across a card from the kids, or my nieces and nephews, or my now passed Grammas. Or pictures! Or journals! Ok, so there are a few bombs in here to detonate! The good thing is, they take up little room in the scheme of things and if that was all I need to keep, I am fine with that (I have gathered them all up in small boxes!). I have shredded, tossed, filed and organized my papers, trash, files, bills, etc. I am in the home stretch!
I am literally down to less than 10 boxes. It has gotten a little more challenging as the pile has dwindled downwards, Some of the boxes have been thinned more than once! I know all the rules say touch it once and do one of the following: Toss, shred, file-but I am a little more crazy than some of the other hoarder squirrels! I try to touch it once, but occasionally, I have to touch it a few times before tossing it! Thats okay, as long as I am making progress! And that's the thing, I am making progress!
It might be on the slow side, but my tossing muscle has gotten stronger and my attachment to "things" is getting less! The pull on me to keep it all, is no longer a death grip! Will I make it? Time will tell! For now, each box is a brick in my future self, building up my strength, my resolve and my ability to let go! Its also a brick off my chest! No longer does the idea of someone coming over make me crazy! I have a spot for them to sit in my office! I can find my bills so I can pay them! Well, if there is enough money to, I can!
This is a photo of my expanding space, my new company spot, my one spot in the house that is comfy, warm and bright! It isn't covered in boxes of paper, it isn't hoarded up with pens, paper clips and staplers! I am inspired to continue and keep going! I feel lighter, mentally more stable! Even if you look inside and see the crazy squirrels in me, there are less of them now!
No comments:
Post a Comment