Backed into a corner

My binder trouble seems to have me in a pickle here.  I have been trying for several days to conquer it, and some how the project has turned into an enormous under taking.  I tried breaking it down into smaller steps, but the steps keep getting bigger too!  Not to be undone, I have persisted and managed to get a large cedar chest removed, along with several smaller drawer cases and another ton of paper filled boxes.  Just when I thought I was winding down from the enormous paper purge, I have another bundle that awaits shredding, sorting and filing.  This is also, in addition to the pile waiting in the dining room (my last attempt was trying to do this in the dining room, so there is still more boxes in there!).

I have yet to truly tackle the binder bind I have gotten into.  Now normally, this is about the spot where I would say this is too much, I can't do it, it's not going to happen, I have failed, AGAIN!  But I am bound and determined that I shall push through and I feel it is important to continue on, even if reduced to less than baby steps.  Am I going to have to go HALF-SISES on you?  I think I may, in order to continue on, break this bad boy down.  The thoughts that are flooding in are really my old tapes playing, previous failures trying to make another one for me!

So I need to give myself a pep talk, I can do this, just smaller bites of the elephant to 'git 'er done!  After all, this did not happen overnight, it was done one layer at a time and will just require more time to excavate out from under this.  For some reason, I keep coming back to chastising myself and feeling out of control.  But that is not reality, its a feeling.  I believe I am doing what I would say to the kids when ever they started to have success, they would self sabotage!  Because they knew what failure looked like, felt like, but they did not know what success was.  So when it would happen, they would get so uncomfortable, they would sabotage themselves!  We would have lots of talks, prop them up, encourage, praise, celebrate every little step till they made it.

So why can't I cheer lead myself?  I am good at doing this for others, but lousy for myself!  I feel like that character from Saturday Night Live Stuart Smalley's Daily Affirmations.  "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me!"  It used to make me howl, it was hilarious!  So I guess I will have to do a little propping, a little praising, a little celebrating and just try and get comfortable with letting go of things and getting on top of this!  But this part is not emotional clutter, this is different!  But this should be easier, but its the low level of progress that I keep hounding myself about, so I am going to stop that!

Sometimes, there are pauses, it may seem like nothing is happening, but it is.  Just not like fireworks noticeable, but subtle!  And I have to be content with that.  So I am going to regroup and carry on!  Because the bottom line is, I really do like walking through my office with the stacks being knocked over,  I really like being able to find thing quickly!  I really like sitting at my desk and paying a bill and filing it!  I like that I am not wasting 2 hours trying to find the bill I set down some where so I could pay it, or worse, forgetting about it, because it wasn't on my radar any more!  It is definitely getting better as I go!  And for that, I am grateful!

So even though it seems I have backed myself into the corner, it is just one more of many corners I have to turn in the days ahead, but lets just keep focused on this one and not worry about all the others!  I don't need to worry about those corners, just this one!  And one corner that is done, is ever so pretty and functional.  I have my little fireplace, my lamp, a little Christmas tree and a chair to read, think and drink my cappuccino.  That is huge!  And I do not have to worry about stacks of boxes falling on me, or boxes of paper going up in flames, no, its very sweet and cozy and safe!  That is what one corner did for me!

Now with that said, has anybody else attempted this?  Have you run into problems trying to clear the hoard?  Trying to get on top of your clutter?  Have you pushed through any setbacks?  If so, how did you handle it?  I would love to hear from anybody reading this, just any words you may have that would help, advice, warnings, etc.  Anybody?  Is this thing on?  So take a look with me at how far I have come!  I have made progress, haven't I?

Before fireplace corner

After fireplace corner

Before messy desk

Cleaner desk

Cluttered corner

Corner cleared